


December 15

by Katie_Dub



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-24
Updated: 2017-02-04
Packaged: 2018-09-11 15:56:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8997313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katie_Dub/pseuds/Katie_Dub
Summary: Emma and Killian have been friends forever, but will everything change when Emma gets dumped by Neal and turns to her best friend for support?





	1. Chapter 1

**December 15 2000**

A loud knock on the door startled Killian from where he’d been sitting reading. He jumped up to get it, fumbling awkwardly with his book and sending a glass of water tumbling to the floor. The knocking had gotten louder and louder and someone was outright banging on the door now.

“What the bloody hell do you want?” He shouted swinging the door open.  He stopped short when he saw Emma’s red, tear streaked face. He opened his arms out to her and she ran straight into them, sobbing and sniffing as she snuggled in.

They stayed like that for longer than was wise. She wailed and he stroked her hair, bewildered by the outburst. A sudden shout of “shut the fuck up!” from inside his neighbour’s apartment brought him to his senses. “Oh fuck off!” he called back, pulling her inside nonetheless. He slammed the door behind them hard, just to piss the bastard next door off.

He pulled back from her, holding her face gently and encouraging her to look up at him. “Swan, are you going to tell me what’s wrong, love?”

“It’s Neal -” she broke off with a sob. He wiped a tear from her cheek and nodded, silently encouraging her to continue. “He dumped me.”

Killian’s jaw clenched. He never had liked Neal, the older man who’d stolen his Swan’s heart.

“Well, then he is a bloody idiot. Do you want to talk about it?” Selfishly, he didn’t want her to. It always broke his heart a little to hear her talk about that wanker.

“No. I want to forget that this ever happened.”

***

A bottle of rum and one ill-advised decision to head to a college Christmas party later, and Killian was making out with Emma beneath the mistletoe. 

He wasn’t quite sure how this had happened but he was pretty sure that too much alcohol - and not a little heartbreak - had lowered her inhibitions. And while he wanted to just enjoy the moment, he couldn’t help but feel that it was bad form to take advantage of his best friend in such a vulnerable state. Even if he himself could feel the walls spinning, dizzy from the rum and her kisses. Even if it was everything he’d ever wanted.

He pulled away from her, and blinked hard, struggling to focus on Emma. Was she swaying or was that him?

“Swan, are you sure you want this?” He slurred out.

“Make me feel good Killian, make me forget everything.”

***

He woke with a groan, head pounding. A half remembered dream of golden kisses and a perfect feeling of bliss slipped out of his grasp, lost to the pain of his hangover. 

He was dressed and in his bed with Emma curled up beside him, wearing his clothes. It had been a long time since they’d had a sleepover - once they’d been quite the common occurrence. That had all changed when Neal had arrived on the scene bringing with him a wave of jealousy and unrequited desires that he carelessly dropped in Killian’s lap.

He was glad him and Emma could get back to what they once were. Even if he wasn’t sure it was wise to share a bed, however innocently, with someone you were quite desperately in love with.

He wanted to ask if she remembered what happened last night, but if she felt anything like him it was best to let her sleep. He closed his eyes and tried in vain to re-enter that dream of kisses that taste of rum and chocolate and cinnamon.

  
**December 15 2001**

Emma was snuggled into Killian’s side watching White Christmas. It wasn’t the most exciting way to spend her Saturday night, she could admit, but to her it was utterly perfect. She had her favourite festive film, hot chocolate with whipped cream and cinnamon made just the way she liked it by her favourite person. For once, she felt at peace.

A piercing scream broke through her happy little bubble, and clutched at her heart. But before she even had chance to groan at the intrusion, Killian was on his feet. 

“You rest, love, I’ll go get him.” She stared at his back as he disappeared into her room. For approximately the billionth time that year she wondered what she had done right in her life to be so blessed as to have such a man as Killian Jones for a best friend.

She’d always known he was something special, but in this past year he had done more good for her than anyone else in her entire eighteen years. He held her together when she couldn’t manage it for herself, oh so many times. She was so cracked now that it was a wonder she didn’t crumble the second he left her side. 

And even with his hand in hers, this past year nearly had broken her.

There was the day she took the test that changed her life. He had watched her anxiously pacing then gathered her up in his arms when she discovered the incredible, terrible news. 

He had politely intervened when she and Neal had their big confrontation with an aggressive calm that soothed her soul. Even if Neal had declared that he couldn’t possibly be the father of her child and so he would not support her, she would always have Killian. (She had to admit, Neal’s words had thrown her as much as they stung. The dates didn’t quite add up in her mind either, but then there had been no one else.)

When her foster family had kicked her out, unwilling to deal with the hassle of a pregnant teen, Killian gave up his room for her. She knew Liam was unhappy to see his brother sleeping on the couch in their tiny two bed apartment, but she had nowhere else to go.

Killian had been there to hold her hand all throughout labour. She had intended to give the baby up for adoption, but with him by her side she knew she could take on any challenge. As she held Henry in her arms for the first time, with Killian’s arms wrapped tight around them both, she never felt so loved.

And now, when she was beyond exhausted and ready to collapse, Killian was there to tend to her little man.

 _Perhaps one day I should tell Killian how much he means to me,_ she thought to herself. It seemed like the least she could do. And yet, it felt like a monumental task. Even though he’d shown his devotion to her time and time again, she couldn’t help but feel that changing their dynamic in any way would be a huge disaster. As a friend, he was safe, but if they took things further… 

She cared too much about her little boy and his need for a father figure, about Killian’s friendship, and about her own selfish, delicate heart to ever risk what they had.

“Swan? I’m afraid the little man needs some milk from his mummy,” his eyes were so apologetic at disturbing her. She reached out for Henry and Killian tenderly placed him in her arms. As she settled back to nurse, she could feel love lighting up every inch of her, even as tiredness clawed at her. 

_One day, I might tell him. But not today…_

  
**December 15 2002**

Killian was trying to seem cool, but he was sure the sound of his jaw clenching could be heard for miles around. Graham Humbert was standing with _his_ Emma, and the two were looking incredibly cosy. He just prayed that they didn’t notice they were stood beneath the mistletoe. If a few flirty looks were causing this much rage, he’d probably explode if they actually kissed.

He sighed and tried to tune into the conversation that he was ostensibly a part of.

“People say it must be mad to have two one year olds running around the house,” Mary Margaret was saying to Belle, who was nodding thoughtfully. “And yes, at times things do get a little hairy, but welcoming Emma and Henry into our home was the best decision we ever made.”

Killian smiled tightly, thinking of how he could say the same of himself once upon a time. Of course finishing his high school career while he slept on the couch wasn’t ideal. Nor was the lack of privacy that came from three people and a baby sharing a two bedroom apartment. But Emma and Henry had made it feel like home. Since they’d been gone - since she’d been gone - the place felt cold and lifeless.

He couldn’t deny that Emma sharing a much larger house with a lovely young couple with a child not much older than Henry was a much better living arrangement for everyone. But still. 

He couldn’t help but wonder why she’d left in the first place. Everything had been wonderful, if cramped, then Liam had snapped at him one day. He’d been vicious, asking how much longer he was expected to entertain the waifs and strays of Storybrooke when he could barely afford to keep the roof over their heads. Not two weeks later, she was saying how Mary Margaret from the Mommy and Me group had a room to spare and just like that, they were gone.

The timing of it seemed suspicious. Had poor Emma overheard Liam? He hoped not, although her actions certainly suggested she had. And she’d been distant with him since then too. Surely he couldn’t believe Liam’s assertion that he was too good for her? If anything, it was Emma that was too good for him.

Subconsciously, he glanced back in her direction and saw her wrapped up in Graham’s embrace. A lump came to his throat and tears pricked at his eyes. He felt a surge of anger as he looked on in disbelief.

“Need to find Liam,” he gritted out. Without waiting for a reply, he stalked off in search of his brother before he did something he would regret.

He found Liam snogging the life out of Elsa, the pretty blonde he’d met at that very party. He looked above their heads and sure enough, there was more of that bloody mistletoe hanging above them. Killian realised it was ridiculous to hate festive greenery, but at that moment he wished extinction upon the bloody parasitic weed.

There was a part of him that was delighted to see his brother had met someone. That past was simply largely being overwhelmed by the spirit of the anticupid. And so he left his brother to it, stalking out of the party and into the night without a word.

  
**December 15 2003**

“Arrrgh, Captain Hook’s going to get ye, and he’ll make ye walk the plank, Henry ye scurvy dog!”

“NO!” Henry shrieked, giggling in delight as he ran away from Killian. He had swapped his usual sensible prosthetic for a plastic hook, just because Henry was currently obsessed with pirates.

 _Just another reason to love him._ The voice in Emma’s head spoke, as it always did at the worst possible times. She stiffened involuntarily, scared that she might have accidentally spoken aloud or that Killian would read her thoughts written all over her face, as he so often did.

“You OK, Emma?” She jumped a little at Graham’s voice, having completely forgotten about the man by her side.

“Oh.. er, yeah, I’ll just see if Elsa needs some help in the kitchen.” She jumped up and ran into the hallway, taking a deep breath to steady her nerves. She wasn’t quite sure when her resolve to put her feelings for her best friend to one side and move on had broken, but she suspected it had something to do with - 

“Tink! Captain Hook wants a kiss from the fairy maiden!” Killian was still using his pirate-voice. But it sounded less endearing when it was being used to charm that dinky blonde chick he was fooling around with. 

_“Tink” can keep her bloody lips to herself!_ Emma thought indignantly, then groaned at the path her thoughts were taking.

She had been keeping her cool. Just barely, but she was managing. Yes she didn’t like the fact that Killian had found himself a fuck buddy - his words - but she had Graham. And when it was only sex, what was the harm? But then tonight, he had brought her along to the special family dinner to celebrate Elsa moving in. The family dinner that he knew Henry would be at - and he was practically the boy’s father - so Tink’s presence was a big fucking deal.

And to see them together, she could tell it wasn’t just sex. Maybe he didn’t look at Tink quite the way she expected, with that softness she often saw in his eyes, but he clearly cared about her. And that made Emma want to gouge her own eyes out to avoid the sight.

“MOMMY BACK! MOMMY BACK!” She sighed, powerless to resist her son’s demand, and steeled herself for a night of misery.


	2. Chapter 2

**December 15 2004**

“Have you got the wrapping paper?” Emma said a little frantically, her voice just audible while she herself appeared to be lost in piles of presents.

“Just a moment, love” Killian stepped away from the stove where he was stirring hot chocolate to grab the bag of wrapping paper and had it to Emma. He stepped back and surveyed the scene before him with a chuckle, “do you think we’ve spoiled Henry a little too much?”

“I think we’ve spoiled him just enough.” Emma’s voice was strained and Killian didn’t need to see her face to know she was frowning. “It is Christmas and everything was from goodwill and -”

“I know, love, our boy deserves the best.” He was glad he couldn’t see Emma’s face when he described Henry in such terms. He knew he wasn’t really the boy’s father, but he truly did think of Henry as his, and he liked to think the feeling was mutual. In as much as a three year old ever thinks of such things.

But still, if it made Emma unhappy he would stop at once, so he was glad when no protest was forthcoming.

He moved back to finish the hot chocolate, pouring it into two mugs and topping it with whipped cream and cinnamon.

The timer went off for the cookies they’d made - mint chocolate chip. He pulled them out of the oven, hoping that they tasted good. Emma had looked a little doubtful about his “messing with a classic” but he had assured her that Christmas is the time for peppermint everything. At least when she had licked the batter off the spoon she’d made appreciative noises.

As he walked towards her, hot chocolate in hand, a familiar tune started on their speakers. Familiar, but just a little bit wrong. “ _I’m dreaming of a white.._ ” Killian dived to switch songs at the exact moment that Emma made a noise of disgust.

“What was _that_?” Emma gasped, horrified.

“I believe it was Hanson singing White Christmas.”

“Hanson can fuck right off.”

“Aye love, that’s why I changed the song.”

Killian smiled, knowing how picky his Swan could be about her Christmas songs. He was pretty sure his new selection would make the cut. “ _Chestnuts roasting on an open fire…_ ” Emma relaxed at the sound of Nat King Cole’s voice, gratefully accepting the hot chocolate Killian passed her way with a happy sigh.

“Now _that’s_ more like it. People should stop messing with the classics, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” Emma wrinkled her nose, shuddering at the memory of the teeny boppers butchering her beloved Bing’s song.

Killian gazed at her adoringly, his heart feeling light for the first time in a long time. Things had been a little strained between him and Emma over the past two years, but finally things felt good again.

He had been impossibly jealous of Graham, could barely stand to be around the man in fact, but Emma had ended things with him a few months ago. Since then he’d started to realise that what he’d had with Tink was somehow _empty_. He enjoyed her company and couldn’t deny the sex was great but he had to be honest with himself about what - or rather who - he wanted.

It had only been a few days since he’d finally ended things with Tink. He’d been surprised just how easy it was. There was no drama - unless you count Tink’s melodramatic squeal of delight when she’d asked if this meant he was finally going to go for it with Emma. He wasn’t quite sure how to feel about that reaction, but decided on balance, if he had extracted himself from their entanglement with their friendship intact, he was happy.

At Tink’s enthusiastic encouragement he’d decided that tonight he was finally going to talk to Emma. He had been keeping his true feelings from her for far too long.

Emma’s phone beeped, she smiled at whatever message she’d received.

“Hey Killian, are you free on Friday?”

He couldn’t help the way his heart pounded in response, was Emma going to beat him to the chase and ask him out?

“Um, I’ll have to double check, but aye I think so.” He was trying not to sound too excited, “what did you have in mind?” Maybe drinks, or dinner? Dinner seemed more appropriate for a first date with the woman you had loved for as long as you knew what love was.

Emma looked up at him, her happy smile caused by her text had twisted into an uncomfortable frown.

“Oh.” She looked awkward, why did she look awkward? “I need a babysitter for Henry because I have a date.” She talked fast, not meeting his eyes. He was grateful, he felt like he’d been shot through the heart and he was sure it was spread across his face.

“A date? I didn’t know you’d met anyone.” He forced himself not to scratch at that spot behind his ear and give away how much this revelation affected him.

“Oh really? His name’s Walsh, I met him at Ruby’s party last weekend, I guess you were a little busy with Tink to notice.” There was an edge to her voice when she said Tink’s name that had Killian confused. If she was so bloody jealous, why was she about to head off into the sunset with another man? “Perhaps we could all double date sometime - if it goes well on Friday.”

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea, love.” Killian said simply, keeping his voice even to avoid betraying the hurt he was feeling.

“You haven’t even met Walsh yet! Why are you saying that?”

Killian couldn’t help but chuckle at Emma’s indignant tone. “Well, for one, you haven’t even had your date yet. Let the man sweep you off your feet before he has to meet the likes of me. For another, I’m not sure it’s normal to go on any kind of date with your ex.”

Emma’s mouth dropped open in surprise. “Oh. So - you and Tink? Not a thing anymore?”

Killian shook his head in reply.

“Are you ok about that?” Emma asked cautiously.

“Aye. I just realised that what we had wasn’t enough for me. Why would I stay with her when I couldn’t see a future with her?” He looked at Emma meaningfully. He hoped he was conveying without words that she was his future. Just them, wrapping presents by their Christmas tree that they had selected and decorated together, getting ready for Christmas with their son. Just like today, but hopefully with extra kissing.

Emma looked away. If she understood what he was offering, she was rejecting it. It was all the answer he needed. What was the sense in making things even more awkward by forcing her to explicitly reject him?

“Pass me the wrapping paper, lass, we have a mountain of presents to wrap before Christmas.”

**December 15 2005**

_Oh my God, I want to kiss you so much._

It was the only thought going through Emma’s mind as Killian beamed at her. He was in a surprisingly ecstatic mood for a random Thursday. He zipped around their apartment singing, he twirled Emma around and he flung Henry into the air to the boy’s rapturous giggles.

It was this last action that did her in. It just made Killian a thousand times hotter to see him interact with her son, to make Henry laugh and smile. And Killian was starting from a baseline of being incredibly hot anyway. It was entirely unfair.

At least she had ended things with Walsh and she was finally free to be with her best friend. Her soul mate, she was sure. She was 99% sure that Killian felt the same as her. Why else would he beam at her like that if he didn’t?

It was scary, of course, to take that leap. He was practically her son’s father, he was her best friend, they lived together… If she had miscalculated she stood to lose so much. It was probably why she had dragged things out with Walsh for so long. If she was unavailable, she didn’t have to confront her real feelings.

But she was done with all that. She was ready. And as Killian grabbed her hand and pulled her into his arms to waltz her around the room, she couldn’t help but think maybe he felt the same.

“I've just one wish, on this Christmas eve, I wish I were with you” Killian sang along with The Carpenters as he danced and Emma felt her heart swell. This had to be a sign, surely?

“What’s got into you?” She asked giggling as the song came to an end and he dipped her while Henry cheered and applauded their dance.

“I met someone! Emma, she’s wonderful, I think I may be in love with her already. Is it too soon to say that? It’s too soon, right?”

Emma felt her whole body freeze. She couldn’t stop smiling but inside she felt nothing but panic She couldn’t have heard him right, surely? This guy was her soulmate, how could he have met someone else? When did this happen?

“I met her on Saturday night, remember when Mary Margaret was meant to babysit but she came down with flu?”

At these words her face really did fall. She had wanted to talk to him on Saturday night. Or just skip the talking and go straight to making out. She had got all dressed up and was looking at her most hot. When she got the message from Mary Margaret at the last minute she damn near cried with frustration.

She had peeled herself out of her sexy clothes and into her pirate PJs before she left her bedroom. Somehow the thought of seeing Killian’s reaction to her outfit then having to send him off without her was just too much to bear.

And of course he had offered to stay home with her - or instead of her - but she was just so upset that she had practically shoved him out the door. And straight into someone else’s arms, apparently.

She still hadn’t recovered when there was a knock at the door. Killian gave her a sideways glance of concern before going to open it.

“I have the best news, little brother!” Liam practically shouted, clearly a little tipsy. He sounded so happy that Emma considered just running and hiding before he could get in the door. She wasn’t sure she could cope with both Jones brothers bubbling with happiness.

“Wait, Emma, we need you here for this too!” Elsa called out to Emma.

She was half turned to her room before she’d even consciously realised that her body had decided to make a break for it. Guiltily she turned back around. “What’s up guys?”

“We’re getting married!” they shrieked together and Emma just felt numb. The rest of the night was like being stuck in a tornado of happiness. There were hugs, and Henry staying up past his bedtime, delighted proposal stories and bubbly wine.

When Emma finally got to bed that night, half drunk and fully devastated she couldn’t help but cry. Why was it happening again? Why did she always have to miss out on the joy that came so effortlessly to others. The tears didn’t stop falling until she finally succumbed to sleep.

**December 15 2006**

Liam and Elsa’s wedding was stunning, if nothing like what Killian would choose if he were ever to get married. It was a huge theme wedding, a winter Wonderland with sparkles, fairy lights and soft, frosty colours.

He would have something simple, just a few special people to celebrate his love. First he just needed to be with someone he could actually marry.

For Milah, as beautiful and feisty and delightful as she was, was married to another.

He understood that she stayed with her husband because of their child, and having grown up an orphan, he did not wish to destroy another family.

But this thing they had? It hurt.

It hurt to be in love with someone who shared a bed with another. It hurt that he couldn't bring her to the wedding with him and show her off on his arm. It hurt to know that what they had now was all they would ever have.

Killian was sure he should be up and joining in all the fun, not skulking in a corner feeling sorry for himself. But still, he nursed his rum. Of course he had only loved two women and of course both of them were out of his league.

“Beware of brooding best men.” Emma's voice broke through his bad mood, making him smile. She sat down next to him, nudging him with her shoulder, “everything ok there, mate?” She imitated his accent with a giggle.

“I was thinking about Milah.”

Emma's face fell and there was a flash of irritation in her eyes, she never had liked his lover.

“Oh yeah? Is everything good between you two?” Emma tried to adopt a breezy and unaffected tone. He loved her for it, he knew she couldn’t stand to hear about their relationship.

“As good as it will ever be. I just -” he faltered, running his hands through his hair, feeling desperate before looking Emma straight in the eye. “What am I doing with her?”

“Is this a trap?” Emma looked at his suspiciously, “you know there’s nothing I can say about this.” _That hasn’t already been said._ She didn’t say the last part, but she didn’t have to. Killian knew just how she felt about his doomed love affair. In spite of himself, he laughed at that.

“No, love. It’s not a trap. I was merely thinking how I’ll never get to have all this -” he motioned around the room, “with her, and that doesn’t seem right.”

Emma sighed, “And why is that again?”

“She can’t leave her boy.”

“Yeah, about that. I’m not encouraging her to abandon him, but if she stays in his life, why does she need to be with his dad? I just feel like, if she really loved you, she would just be with you.”

Emma’s words triggered his own insecurities. He’d had this same conversation with Milah more than once.

“Her husband would deny her access to her son.”

“So, why doesn’t she take him with her? Surely a court would grant her sole custody? I’m always hearing about how courts favour the mother in these cases. And I know that you would be a wonderful father to him. Just like -” Emma stopped and took a deep breath. “Just like you are to my Henry. You’re already father to one boy who isn’t yours, why not two? Surely she knows about him?” Her words sounded bitter and he gaped at her, unsure where this line of thinking was going.

“She does.”

“Well then. All of this bullshit about keeping her boy just sounds like, well, bullshit to me. You would never ask her to abandon her son, you would love him and be so good to him. If she knew anything about you she would never doubt that.” Again there was an edge to her words that broke his heart.

“Emma, you do know if all that were to happen, if she did leave her husband, I’d still take care of Henry, don’t you?” He took her hand and stroked it reassuringly.

“Of course I do, Killian, you’re a good man.” She was smiling sadly.

“It’s not just that Emma, I’m Henry’s daddy, biology be damned. I’ll never be parted from him, no matter how many children I might have. Even if not one of them is really mine.”

Emma cocked her head to one side, gazing at him thoughtfully, “Is that what this is about? Do you want kids, Killian?”

He took a moment to ponder her words, “no. Well, not now. Don’t get me wrong, I love Henry, but we’re still only 23. I guess, I just want a future? A real one where I can just be with the woman I love and hold her at night and not have to share her with someone else.” He looked at Emma, “does that sound pathetic?”

There was something in her eyes that Killian couldn’t quite place. A yearning perhaps?

“It sounds wonderful, Killian, just like a relationship should be. Now, let’s have less of this brooding and get on with some celebrating, yeah?” She stood and held her hand out to him, “let’s dance.”

***

Hours had passed and all of Killian’s earlier sadness had melted away in the face of dancing with his friends and family and more than a little bit of rum. His heart felt happy in a way it hadn’t in such a long time - perhaps not since he’d first realised that Milah was already married.

He reached into his pockets for his room key before realising that it wasn’t there. _Bloody hell._

“Everything alright, Killian?” He hadn’t realised he’d actually spoken out loud.

“Aye, only I seem to have misplaced my key.”

“Well, let’s get you a new one from reception then.” Emma grabbed his hand and dragged him towards the hotel foyer in search of a new key. The receptionist was nowhere to be seen. Emma banged on the bell to get someone’s attention, but still, nobody came.

“I guess I should spend some more time searching then?” He turned to head back to the wedding, stumbling a little as he turned.

“You’re never gonna find it, Killian.” Emma leaned in to whisper into his ear in a sing song voice “you’re drunk!”

“So are you!” He shot back, realising that he was seeing two Emma’s. “So what am I meant to do? Sleep on a bench?” He pouted at her.

“Nope. Tonight you are gonna sleep with me.” Emma cocked her head, suddenly confused by what she had said. “I mean sleep sleep. No sex.”

“Did you really have to specify? I am always a gentleman!” He gasped in mock offense, “although I am devishly - devilllly - devilishly handsome so I could understand if you cannot keep your hands off me.”

“You’re so modest too.”

“I am,” Killian nodded sagely, “it’s one of my best qualities.”

Emma laughed so hard that she stumbled and needed to grab hold of Killian. He pulled her close, intending to just steady her, but actually pulling her into an embrace. It felt really good. He was trying to remember why he couldn’t just be with Emma. Oh, right. Milah.

Was he only with Milah because she would never truly be his? Being with someone who wasn’t really available left him free to pursue his Emma, should the timing ever be right.

He pushed Emma back, and he could have sworn she let out a little disappointed sigh.

“I knew you wouldn’t be able to keep your hands off me.”

“Shut up, Jones, I was going to fall over. Now, do you want a bed to sleep in or are you going to go find a bench?”

“Fair maiden, escort me to your room.”

It was with much giggling and stumbling that they finally made it to the bedroom. Emma insisted he could sleep in just his boxers instead of in his clothes and when she snuggled up into him in her PJs it felt so good to wrap around her.

 _This is what I want,_ he thought as he drifted off to sleep with Emma cuddled into him, _I just want to be with someone I can hold at night._ He didn’t allow himself to consider why that person couldn’t be the woman in his arms before sleep claimed him.

**December 15 2007**

“Mistletoe!” shrieked Ruby in Emma's ear, pointing upwards and planting a sloppy kiss on her cheek. “Now you two,” she pointed at Emma and Killian in turn.

Emma felt hot all over, clearly all the drinks she'd had were finally getting to her. Why did they ever agree to come to Ruby’s party? She clumsily leaned in and kissed Killian on the cheek, before moving back and glaring at Ruby.

“You can do better than that, Emma! Give him a proper kiss! Unless,” Ruby dropped her voice into what was presumably meant to be a sultry stage whisper, but came out more like a drunken slur, “you want me to?”

Emma rolled her eyes but looked over to Killian. He was watching her closely, an odd expression on his face, was that apprehension?

_Is the thought of kissing me really that terrifying?_

The thought had just come to her when he nodded, she nodded back to him and a wicked grin spread across his face. He started to scratch behind his ear, then presumably realising she’d recognise his nervous tell, he tapped at his lips cheekily. The action had her rolling her eyes, but now that she’d made her mind up, she was going to kiss him, however ridiculous his actions may be.

 _We can have this one night._ She told herself. It was the first time in what felt like forever that they were both single. They could do this. Before she could talk herself out of it, she grabbed his hips and yanked him towards her. He gave her a searching glance, but the desire must have been written across her face because he then pounced on her lips with reckless abandon.

 _It’s like I always dreamed it would be,_ she mused, wondering at how familiar it felt to passionately kiss her best friend. The lyrics to the old Disney song Once Upon a Dream sprang into her head, _I know you, I walked with you once upon a dream…_ She had to force all thoughts from her head so she didn’t laugh. Luckily he chose that exact moment to pull her closer still. As he kissed her deeper and let her feel the affect that she was having on him, all thoughts were lost to her.

A whoop from Ruby caused Emma to jump back from Killian. He looked a wreck - lips swollen, hair a mess (had she done that?) and eyes - God, his eyes. He looked confused, ecstatic, aroused, guilty and hopeful all at once. She didn’t know what feeling to latch onto, but she knew she couldn’t deal with any of it with an audience. She took him by the hand and dragged him outside, ignoring Ruby’s catcalls as she went.

When they were finally alone she didn’t know what to say. She simply stared at him. The minutes ticked by and she watched, devastated as that happy, hopeful gleam faded from his eyes. He was so uncertain now. She was taking too long to gather her thoughts and it was making him unhappy.

In that moment all she wanted was to make him smile again. So she reached up on her tiptoes and gently kissed him. It was a soft and brief kiss, when she pulled back she felt relieved to see the spark back in his eyes.

“Do you want to get out of here?” Emma kept the question vague, still unsure exactly how to proceed when you wanted to take your best friend to bed. What if he didn’t want to do anything more? What if he wanted more than just tonight? What if...?

“Aye love, I’d like that very much.” His voice was rough and low, it sent a delicious thrill through her. She gently squeezed the hand that she was still holding and tugged him away from the party, in the direction of home.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally did it! The story is complete *collapses*... I hope you all like it!

**December 15 2008**

Killian watched as Emma and Henry charged around the park together. Henry was dressed in an Iron Man suit, blasting unseen enemies out of his path while he dragged his giggling mother to safety.

He smiled at them wistfully, already anticipating the day when some man would swoop in and steal Emma’s heart. He may think of Henry as his, but in truth, he was nothing more than the boy’s mother’s best friend.

He had foolishly allowed himself to hope that his time had come last year when they had kissed under the mistletoe. When his beautiful friend dragged him home and into her bed. When she had stripped him bare and made love to him all night long. It had been like coming home, a divine night of pleasure, all of his dreams come true.

And yet when he woke up in the morning, she had been distant and cold. When he asked her what was wrong she wouldn’t look at him. “Killian - I - I don’t regret what we did. But it has to be a one time thing.”

He had been too stunned and heartbroken to speak.

Later Liam’s words “a man unwilling to fight for what he wants deserves what he gets” echoed through Killian’s mind. But he knew his Emma, if she had said no fighting would surely just push her further away. He’d rather have her as a friend than not be in her life at all. So he pushed down his feelings and acted as nothing more than her best friend.

“Killian Jones is that you?” A bright, female voice called from behind him, he turned slowly around to see Ariel, a pretty redhead who he hadn’t seen for years. He grinned at the sight of her.

“Ariel! It’s so good to see you!” He strode over to her and wrapped her in a hug, “how are you?”

“I’m good thanks! Eric and I came back to see our families and share our news.” She pulled back and wiggled the fingers of her left hand in front of him indicating the sparkling diamond ring on her finger. He pulled her in for another - even bigger - hug.

“Congratulations, lass! I’m so glad you’re still together after all this time - and you’re stronger than ever!” He said when they finally broke apart.

“And you!” Ariel nodded behind him, indicating that she’d seen Henry and Emma, “I’m so glad you two finally got together.”

Killian looked back towards Emma, feeling his heart ache at what he was about to say.

“Oh. Um, no, it’s not like that.”

“What? You and Emma aren’t a couple? But last time I saw you, you two looked very…” Ariel paused, “together.”

Killian scratched behind his ear, uncomfortable with yet another reminder of what had happened last year. “I didn’t realise you were in Storybrooke last year, lass. No -”

“I wasn’t.” Ariel cut him off, looking confused, he looked back, equally bewildered. “What are you talking about?” she asked.

“What are _you_ talking about?” Killian countered. Ariel looked embarrassed.

“That college party back in 2000? I walked in on you and Emma - well - you know…” she trailed off, blushing a little.

“I really don’t.” Killian tried to take his mind back - he thought it might have been the night Emma and Neal broke up, but he couldn’t really remember anything beyond rum and regret.

“What? How could you forget having sex with your best friend?”

Killian’s jaw dropped and his eyes flew wide open. He needed to respond to this frankly ridiculous question, the only problem was he seemed to have forgotten how to speak. And even if he could, he wasn’t entirely certain he could remember any words. For someone as loquacious as him, it was frankly embarrassing.

“I - er - we - um -”

“Oh! You really _don’t_ remember? I - well, I walked in on the two of you in a bedroom and - well -” Ariel had turned as red as her hair, Killian was sure he must be the same colour.

“Is there - is there any chance you mistook someone else for us?” He was trying to sort out the muddled mess of his emotions. This couldn’t be true. And yet, Emma’s kisses last year _had_ felt strangely familiar… He shook his head, and searched Ariel’s face, looking for the lie, “Maybe we weren’t doing - what you think we were?”

“Killian, it was definitely you. There was -” Ariel took a deep breath, “you were moaning each other’s names and you were very naked. Please don’t make me talk about this, it was embarrassing enough at the time. Does it really matter if you - _did stuff_ \- 8 years ago?”

8 years ago. And Henry was 7. Born almost exactly 9 months after that bloody party, in fact.

Suddenly it all made sense.

Neal had always been adamant that Henry couldn’t be his. Killian had seen this as nothing more than evidence of what a bloody wanker he was, but now he saw the truth of it. Henry must be Killian’s own son. Emma herself had told him she didn’t trust what the doctors told her about dates, because they just didn’t quite add up.

He turned to stare at the boy in awe - finding himself searching Henry for obvious clues to his true parentage.

At least he could be certain of one thing: Emma couldn’t remember the night either. He didn’t believe for one second that she would have kept the knowledge from him - especially in light of the consequences - if she knew.

But, oh God, how could he tell her? How could he reveal that he was probably - a voice inside whispered _“definitely”_ \- Henry’s father now? He remembered the way things had been between them last year: the unspoken agreement that they were never again to speak of such things had been all that rescued their friendship.

He felt a hand on his arm that made him jump; he had forgotten that Ariel was beside him. He glanced at her and saw a sympathetic smile on her face. “If you want to be with her, you should tell her how you feel.”

“I can’t hurt our boy -” the truth of those words hit him: Henry really was theirs.

“Love is worth it, Killian.” He bit his lip to avoid saying anything rude or aggressive to Ariel. He knew she meant well, it’s just that sometimes she was so naive.

“I’ll leave you to it.” He doesn’t pay attention as she goes. This friend from years past who’s just come and shattered his understanding of life.

He’s Henry’s father.

How could he ever explain this?

***

“OK, what's wrong? You've been acting weird ever since the park, just spit it out.” Emma crossed her arms over her chest and fixed him with her “don't fuck with me” look.

Killian knew the moment had come to tell her what Ariel had said. He just wished he knew how she would react. Or rather, he wished he didn't know Emma well enough to know that she would shut him out in response. He scratched at his ear nervously and took a deep breath to calm him.

“I saw Ariel at the park, love. She had quite the curious tale for me, but I believe she told me the truth and if she did it has interesting ramifications.”

Killian watched as Emma rolled her eyes at him. “Ramifications? I thought I told you to just spit it out.”

“Well, she told me that she saw us.. Being intimate.” Killian watched as a horrified look of confusion crossed over Emma's face. “Not last year, love, the night that we drank all the rum and forgot everything that happened? It was about 8 years ago, right about when Henry was conceived if the doctors and his birthday are to be believed. ”

His heart pounded as he watched her connect the dots of what he was saying. Her eyes were filling with wonder, but there was a hard, distrustful edge to her gaze.

“You think _you_ are Henry's dad?”

“Would that be so terrible, love?”

He watched her struggle to respond and however much he knew that this was a strange and confusing situation to be in, he couldn't help but feel hurt by her reaction. He knew she needed time, _he_ wasn't even sure what he was feeling right now, but the longer she sat in silence, the more his dread grew.

“Should I go stay with Liam for a few days?” he asked cautiously, hoping it was the right play.

“What?” she snapped, burning him with her enraged glare. “You find out Henry's _allegedly_ yours and all you can think to do is run away? You're no better than Neal.”

Her words were like a knife to his heart and they ignited an instant rage in him.

“How could you equate me wanting to give you a little bit of space to cope with some news that changes our entire relationship with the way that wanker treated you? I have loved you for half my bloody life - and I know that makes you want to run as far and as fast away from me as possible right now. I don't want you to, I need you to stay, so I thought - _hoped_ \- that if I gave you the time you need to process this that maybe you wouldn't want to run. That maybe I could be good enough to keep my place in your life. In _our son’s_ life.” He runs his fingers through his hair feeling quite deranged. “Bloody hell, love. Have I ever given you reason to think I would leave you? I have raised Henry like a son and you think now I know he really is mine -”

“We don't know that.”

Killian was startled by her harsh words, and simply stared at her incredulously. “What?”

“We don't know you’re Henry's dad. We have someone's memories of a party years ago.”

“Fine.” He couldn’t argue with her logic, and he had to know the truth himself. There was the only thing they could do that really made sense. “Let's get a paternity test then, love.”

Emma doesn't look at him when she finally, quietly replies, “good. But, right now, I think you should go stay with Liam.”

Killian stormed off to collect the essentials for a few days at his brothers. Before he left he turned to look at Emma. She was curled into a ball looking sad and alone.

“Henry is my boy and I will love him just the same, whatever the test says, Emma. I'll come by tomorrow to see him.” She avoided his gaze but nodded to show she'd heard him. He felt a lump in his throat and a tightness in his chest as he opened the door and stepped out, feeling like he was already halfway out of his family's life.

 

**December 15 2009**

“So, Emma, what did you ask Santa for this year? Killian naked in your bed?”

Emma looked up at the sound of Ruby's voice. “What?”

“Why am I not surprised that just the mere mention of a naked Killian was enough to bring you back to us? You were miles away.”

“Sorry, I just…” She rubbed her temples, unable to articulate her feelings. “I have things on my mind.”

She had _Killian_ on her mind.

This past year had been a minefield, one that almost had torn their friendship apart. She knew finding out he was Henry’s dad should have brought them closer together, but it scared the shit out of her.

She tried to convince herself that it was all concern for Henry that made her wary. But she knew really that it was her own heart she was worried for. They had always danced around their feelings because it was easier than losing each other. At some point she just figured, if they were meant to be they would have worked it out long ago.

Now though, she could see how irrevocably this man was entwined with her life. She couldn’t even remember a time when she hadn’t loved him and somehow knowing that they had this bond just cemented how much power he had over her happiness.

So she did what she always did in these situations: she ran. At least this time it was only metaphorically.

She’d pulled back from him, found more excuses to hang out outside their apartment, went out on dates. She’d stayed friendly with him but put her walls up between them to protect herself from his rejection.

That was when she noticed her friends all staring at her.

Ruby had a wolfish grin and an evil gleam in her eye, Mary Margaret was full of concern, Elsa just sat appraising her thoughtfully.

“Sorry, did you guys say something?”

It was Elsa who finally spoke up. “Is everything ok with you and Killian? He… he’s seemed really down and kind of distracted for a while now.” She looked like she was struggling over whether or not to say anything more. “Honestly, Emma? He seems heartbroken.”

Emma dropped her head to her hands with a sigh. She hated to think that Killian was hurting - and more to the point: she was the cause.

“If I tell you guys something, do you promise not to tell anyone?” She murmured into her hands before looking up at her friends who were all nodding. She caught Mary Margaret’s eye. “I mean it Mary Margaret, you cannot breathe a word of this to anyone. Including your charming husband.”

Mary Margaret wrinkled her nose in disgust, but agreed.

“Killian’s Henry’s dad.”

It was almost funny to watch the identical looks of shock that appeared on their faces.

It was Ruby who recovered first. “Hold up: you’re telling us you banged Killian…” she paused, clearly counting, “9 years ago and we’re only just hearing about it now? What was he like?”

“I don’t - I can’t actually remember it.”

Ruby grimaced. “Nothing to write home about? Damn, Captain Innuendo’s all talk? That is a shame.”

Emma rolled her eyes but couldn’t help laughing. “Neither of us remember it Ruby. We drank all the rum in Storybrooke the night it happened. We only recently found out about this.” She saw identical looks of confusion directed her way, but the shame she felt when Killian had first shared the news hadn’t died. “Please don’t make me explain. We found out Henry’s our son this year and things have been weird between us ever since. End of story.”

“Why are they weird?” Ruby demanded, insisting on all the gossip in that unique way of hers. If she wasn’t such a wonderful friend, Emma often thought she might throttle Ruby. “Did you make things weird, Emma Swan?”

“Well … I … This is just … weird. People don’t normally find out they accidentally had a child with their best friend who they secretly love -”

“It’s not a secret, Emma.” Ruby cut in. “Except maybe to Killian.”

Emma took a deep breath, she had to make them all understand. “Look, I’m not great in relationships and I … I don’t want either of us to get hurt.”

“OK, Emma, you know I love you.” Emma closed her eyes at Elsa’s words. “But, speaking as your friend I have to say: you’re hurting yourself. And I know you don’t want to hear it, but as Killian’s sister in law, I know you’re hurting him too. He hasn’t said a word about this to me or Liam, but he always wears his heart on his sleeve and we know he’s in pain.”

Emma opened her mouth to object, but Elsa held one finger up to stop her.

“The worst part about all of this is Emma, there’s no reason for all of this. I know you’re scared to be hurt, but you’re already hurt. You worry about people leaving you? Well, when has Killian ever done that? Because as far as I know, he offered you a home and a father for your child and stayed with you for year after year when he thought Henry was someone else’s child. Emma, there aren’t many grown men who would do that and he was only a teenager!”

“But…” Emma tried feebly.

Elsa shook her head. “No, Emma. No. You don’t have to be with Killian if you don’t want to, but you have to know, he adores you and Henry and he would do anything for you. Whether you want him or not, just please, please, be his friend again.”

Emma clenched her jaw to force the tears that pricked her eyes not to fall down her cheek. “I don’t want to just be his friend.”

“Well, then go be more! Love is worth it, Emma! You have to fight for it!” Mary Margaret patted Emma’s hand, her kind eyes gleaming with happiness.

“OK, but if it all goes wrong, you guys better pick up the pieces.” She glared at all her friends, despite feeling lighter than she had in months.

“We won’t have to,” Elsa said, looking at Emma with pride, “now go put Killian out of his misery. Please, Liam’s sick of his moping.”

Emma jumped up and ran to the door.

“Good luck with banging your bestie!” Ruby called after her, “and don’t forget we want all the details tomorrow!”

***

It didn’t take Emma long to get home, but it seemed like an age, now that she’d finally decided to be brave, she needed to do it right away, before she lost her nerve.

She opened the door to their apartment and saw Killian sat on their couch. He looked up at her, surprised by her sudden appearance, before dropping his gaze to the floor and moving as if to leave the room.

She ran over to him and caught him by the hand. He spun around to look at her, confused by her actions. He studied her face, searching for a clue as to what she was thinking.

“I love you, Killian.” Emma blurted the words out, then winced at how abrupt they were.

She needn’t have worried. Killian gazed at her in wonder before his face slowly broke out into a dazzling grin. He looked stunned and ecstatic all at once.

“Is this - is this real, love, or have I had had too much rum?”

She grabbed his shirt and pulled his lips down to hers, determined to prove to him just how real it was. When they broke apart for breath she could see tears welling up in his eyes.

“Killian?” she whispered, alarmed, wiping the tears away before they could fall.

“I’m ok, love. I’m just - you’ve just made me so happy. I love you, Emma Swan, I’ve loved you for so long and -”

Emma pounced on his lips, cutting him off before he could say another word.

 

**December 15 2010**

Killian and Emma were sitting side by side, wrapping presents for their son, occasionally stealing kisses from each other while they worked _._ Killian still couldn’t quite believe that this was all real. After all this time, after so many years of pining, his best friend, his wonderful, darling Emma, was really and truly _his._

As he placed the last label on the last of the gifts, he pulled Emma into his side, sighing with contentment as she curled into him.

Then, not a moment later, Emma jumped up and ran out the room.

Killian followed her, alarmed by her sudden escape. He found her bent over the toilet being violently sick. Instantly he was on his knees beside her, holding her hair out of her face and gently rubbing her back.

When she was finally done, he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her forehead, which was damp with sweat. “Is everything alright, love?” He murmured into her hair, trying not to show just how panicky he felt at the sight of his Emma, his brave, strong lass, so ill.

“Um… Yeah. Although, could you get me some water? And maybe give me a minute to myself? You promised that we’d watch Elf tonight, maybe you could get that lined up for me?”

Killian pulled back and looked at her, searching for any sign of what might be wrong. She looked pale and weak, but she gave him a small smile and looked meaningfully at the door. He laughed at that - if she was well enough to kick him out, he knew she was ok.

Emma came back out into the room just as he had finished scrolling past the trailers on the DVD. She didn’t come to sit with him, but hovered near the hallway, bouncing on her toes and looking excited. He cocked one eyebrow at her and gestured for her to join him on the couch. She stayed on the spot, looking ready to explode.

“Are you going to come and sit down with me, love? I promise I won’t bite… unless you want me to” He ran his tongue over his lips salaciously.

“No.” Emma said breathlessly, ignoring his OTT moves. “I’ve got some news and it’s good but…” She looked away, biting her lip nervously.

“But?” Killian walked over to her and cocked his head, raising one eyebrow at her strange behaviour. “What is it? You know you can tell me anything.”

“I know why I was sick. I thought I’ve known for a few days now, but now I know for sure. I’m pregnant!” Emma spoke in a rush, pulling the positive test from behind her back as she spoke.

Killian was stunned. The thought made him deliriously happy, so to see her excited face floored him. “You’re - you’re pregnant?”

Emma’s face fell. “Oh. I thought that you’d be happy about it. I -”

Killian cursed himself for not making it clear how happy that news made him. He threw his arms around her, lifting her up and kissing her soundly until she pulled back with a giggle. “I am so happy, Emma, I love you so, so much.”

 

**December 15 2011**

Emma held her precious little girl close to her, knowing that she should put the sleeping babe down and get some more sleep before she was needed again later.

But sometimes while she was the only one awake in the dark, she just liked to hold her tiny baby and marvel at how perfect she was, at how perfect _this_ was. She listened to the soft chorus of her baby’s breaths joining that of her daddy’s as he slept soundly beside them.

When did she get so lucky?

It had never been this good in Henry’s early life - a fact that made her want to cry with both happiness and guilt. She had Killian by her side then too, but not like this.

Sometimes she could kick herself for her foolishness, for all the pain she put them through. But sometimes, sometimes she let herself accept that they took the path that they had to take to wind up here. They fought for their love and they won.

She stifled a yawn and finally accepted that she needed sleep. Gently she placed her daughter into the crib with a soft kiss. She snuggled back into Killian’s side and even in sleep he reached out to pull her close.

She closed her eyes, feeling more content than she ever hoped she would be, grateful to have found her happy beginning with her true love at last.


End file.
